i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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