im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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