Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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