hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
