The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
