break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
