Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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