Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
