I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
