so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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