I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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