Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize