apparently the secret to your success is patron
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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