Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
