I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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