1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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