I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
