Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
