We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
