the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
