he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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