Your dad touched me again.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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