I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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