I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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