Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
