How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
