Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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