Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
