Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize