i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You're a waste of cheezeits
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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