The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
