Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
