just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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