I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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