This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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