i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
