Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
