In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize