what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
