He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just had sex on a roof
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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