Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
