Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
