She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize