o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
