Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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