You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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