I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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