:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
