He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
