My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
