I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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