tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
PANTIES FOUND
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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