he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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