At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
