and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
