toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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