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Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sober January is a disaster.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
