We're like a lot better than the average bears
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This house was built for laser tag.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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