Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize