So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
