Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
