I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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