Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize