Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
