Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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