it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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