We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was like eating out sand paper
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
