just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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