I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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