My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize