This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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