Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
