I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
