i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
