broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They took my balls.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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