he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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