why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
