Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
