Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
