your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
