Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
