She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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