I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Someone stole a lamp last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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