I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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