so explain again why im purple
no
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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