In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
