He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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