At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
