i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize