You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
