Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
