new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
