woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
