lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize