look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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