i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He felt like a one man threesome
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
