tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
