I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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