it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
my poor anus
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
