if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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