So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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