So drunk its hurt
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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