We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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