'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
