party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
