Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
