you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
