Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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