I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
