we're chasing vodka with high fives
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
