so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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