I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
