but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
