R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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