Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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