I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
