I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
